The characters and band in this work of fiction are in no way intended to represent the actual
metal band Virgin Steele. The similar name is purely a coincidence.
And the characters are amalgams of the hundreds of Myspace friends I have made among metal
bands and the inspiration I have taken from their music and photo albums. I am especially
Thaururod, Last Stone Cast, Ensiferum, Karma to Burn, Vejlekset Perse, Tarot, Kivimetsan
Druidi, Viking Skull, Amberian Dawn, Primus, and Zombie Surf Camp. I think. I’ll have to
check my playlist!
End and Beginning
I miss our dreams together. That’s probably why I began trying to invade the dreams of the other
guys. Ever since Steen quit having a body and started being dead, he has no dreams. He’s much
too busy doing whatever people do when they aren’t in a body.
He’s only stopped in just once, when he told me he wasn’t going to go back to his body any
longer. I asked him if he could be a ghost and stay with me and Rufus that way. He snorted and
little curls of the stuff between things made wave patterns around his smirk. Ghosts always have
a problem, and I have no problems at all. Thanks to you, my darling shakti, this life has been
both happy and productive for me.
But will we ever meet again? I squeaked in my best dream voice. Our husband Rufus is nearly
the same physical age as Steen was, and in no hurry to leave his body. It’s partly due to them that
I exist at all, so what will I do with myself once they aren’t around me? Will I even still keep
being Heidi Wasabi? I’ve rather liked it…
That is entirely up to you, my dear. I am planning to be back. It’s rather a family tradition. Lily
doesn’t know it, but she’s expecting. And I am going to strongly suggest that the baby be named
Steen or Steena.
Then I was buoyant enough to blend our energies into love one final time, frequencies and colors
merging and separating into ourselves again with joy, before he dissolved. He wasn’t Steen anymore; his calm was the same as all the other calmness of where that was; he just was part of
the between, as far as I could perceive, anyway. I spent some while futilely seeking him in every
direction before I rejoined my dear Rufus.
When he became aware of me, Rufus held me tightly to him. In dream we wept into each other,
catching each others tears. He is so much gentler than he was when he was younger. I didn’t
even have to tell him what the matter was. He’s lost loved ones before, but not ones whose
relation to him was so private and so deep that it could not be spoken. It made me think about
losing him, and whether being dissolved into the between would be so bad…
“Babe, I’m actually glad for him,” he said as we segued into the waking world together. “He’s
been miserable in the damn hospital and no way was he going to make it home to us from it
again.” My Rufy’s hair is gold and silver now, but the threads of it are still like precious metals
around the freckles and creases of his splendid jaw. I watched the tears find their way along the
contours of them on their way toward the pillow, and the fur of Beaver.
When I told him about a new little Steen or Steena, he laughed and said he’d believe it when he
saw it. I think he felt as if a baby Steen would not be the same for him. That is where we differ, I
Nobody’s told me I can’t live forever, you know. I never wanted a mortal fleshy body like theirs,
so I haven’t bothered with one. I sometimes animate a physical thing, just to please Rufus, but
not with any long-term attachments. I learned better than that quite a while ago. So I am planning
to see whether Steen or Steena, the new version of the amazing wizard who invented Virgen
Steel, the musical and cultural phenomenon, remembers his Heidi, once he or she is old enough
Well, in the meantime the other members of Virgen Steel are nearly as old as Steen, so I thought
they mightbe willing to let me into their dream lives. Surely playing high decibel music together
all these years must have made them more receptive to the possibility that Heidi was more than
just the subject of some controversial lyrics, blown out of proportion now and then by stupid
people who couldn’t see me one bit!
But sadly it turned out not to be that way. Two of them, Murray and Munsch, couldn’t tell I was
there whether asleep or awake, and when I got insinuated into Ole’s fantasy levels, he refused to
invitations, and none of them came to my party.
That is why I decided to write this all down in journal form. Privacy locks on the Internets are
better than they used to be, but even so it doesn’t matter very much if somebody reads this and
thinks it’s a spoof. It’s just me and my blog, trying to make me feel better until Steen comes
back. Thank you, blog. I am made of feelings, mostly, with a bit of thought and lots of
frequencies in the visible and audible spectrum that don’t get very physical. But I can do that
physical stuff too, especially when I have someone to love.
Blog, I hope you don’t mind if I keep speaking of Steen in the present tense, as if he were still
here. When he says he’ll be back, I believe him. He believed in me, so it’s the least I can do.