a better job with Virgen Steel. He had to play so many roles for them. He has a big theatrical
streak in his makeup, I think, that comes from making living history. It comes in cycles, he says
— classic, renaissance, baroque, and rococo, over and over again.
I liked some of Rufy’s stage disguises. When he was a Sumerian he had a big mask of feathers
and yellow stockings. Only his eyes and mouth showed. Another time he was a phantom with
half his face white and half black. He wore a coat with long tails in back and had a cane that
turned into a rapier. The black made his hair look like wires of flame. Other times his clothes
would look like bundles of rags, or consist of just a tiny vest and flapping trousers.
But Steen was getting bored with history as a theme in his shows. We had done pirates and
knights and dragons and supernatural monsters of the Victorians and even some really old
Sumerian things where the monsters were from the ocean. But now his vision was of the future.
He and Rufus were going to have laser swords.
Rufus and I were reclining on the Beaver together and he was visualizing it for me. He had also
taught me a wonderful thing called ‘bed peace.’ He spread himself out flat on his back and
spread me out on top of him like one of those cookies that come in layers. We imagined that our
where my legs framed his to make three spokes.
Sure enough, now that I knew how to manage my own level of inflation, when we wrapped our
arms around each other and began to roll around, it was like flipping a coin. I was able to match
him until I was simply too happy to pay attention anymore and became a multicolored fuzz.
Rufus was nearly breathless himself with joyous laughter. Then he rolled over onto me and put
our third eyes together. I saw them then.
He took me through the choreography that went with their new song ‘Future World’. At a certain
point all the lights on the stage were out and then the bars of blue orange and green began to
twirl. They had batteries in the handles, obviously. The monster finally came forward, and it was
They were going to carve up space itself! It was like a movie screen in a big wide brimmed hat
of nothing with nothing for its cloak and through it was a view of endless night and stars.
Between them Rufus, Steen and Murray made its edges recoil from their colored light sticks until
it folded in on itself and vanished.
When they were done, the lights flew back on, as bright as they would go. Their swords went
out; in fact they looked as dead as gray drumsticks. The musicians were revealed as themselves,
dripping from the effort of the conquest of illusion. Then they dropped the props and started
playing their instruments again. Of course Munsch and Ole had never left off. I thought it was
Why is Murray helping? I wondered as he drew back a bit so that he could breathe better.
Usually all the blade exchange took place between Steen and Rufus, except when there was a
monster to poke instead. It was quite different for Murray to leave his keyboards during a show.
Actually that was my idea and we didn’t run it by Murray yet. I just – this one’s different.
Rufus appeared to be shrinking—or rather, he was expanding me. He wrapped his arms around
my breasts and hung on as I grew.
When he was child sized I expected him to latch on, but he didn’t. Instead he got smaller yet
until he was hidden between them. He rolled me over until I was the sky above him and he was
in that crevice. He was leaning against the slant of one, patting it as if it was the cave wall. I
came from the same part of my mind. The only thing the same was that our ‘floor’ was actually
the sheets of the bus bunk. I wondered, before he continued, how they counted threads in a
thread count for sheets. That’s how long it took him to find words.
Steen comes up with these monsters, and normally I don’t mind fighting them, Heidi. That’s
because I can convince myself I’m bigger and stronger than a mere idea. But Space—it’s real.
And it’s huge. It reminds me that actually I am a small person, of no importance, and that hits
me in a place I’ve got a lot of fear about.
I would only say this to you, sweetheart. Here against the place I know your heart has got to be.
Nobody can make me believe you don’t have one, doll. I can feel the love it showers me with.
When he said that, my love surged out in a whoosh instead of a trickle for a few seconds; all over
him, like his sweat is sometimes all over me. We knew he was right without me making it into
I really enjoy being a powerful dream spinning rock star, babe. But it’s all an illusion they’re in
love with—the fans, the girls, even Steen and the band. They don’t seem to know that I act the
fighter and the lover and the charmer, but the real me is a carrot headed purple faced dwarf
with zits and splotches and a tiny dick and crooked brown teeth and hair all over and I can be a
complete asshole for no reason. I’d make a really bad hound dog.
He poked his head out above my breasts then, and the Rufus I saw was all grizzled and gnarled
and had wrinkles and a lot of red fur and splotches, just like he said. His arms and legs had
become short like a child’s, but as he pulled himself out from between my mounds, his dick was
huge and dangling. I guess he’d decided to shrink everything else but that, the johnnycake. It
tickled its head against me with a mind of its own. I liked it when he lolled out his tongue from
between his big crooked teeth and arranged the crevices of his ‘hideous’ face into a leer. I guess
I’m like what they say; a person’s face is lovely to the one that loves them.
Rufus, I’m so fat I’m a blimp! I’m my own zip code! What’s more I have pop eyes and a squeaky
voice and I’m bald! But you tell me I’m a goddess. Don’t you? For emphasis I puffed out my
cheeks into pink peach balloons and bulged my eyes out and blinked them at the end of snail-like
stalks. You are the cutest furry red dwarf I ever let walk all over me.
shrank and expanded as required to traverse my difficult crevasses.
It tickled. But I must confess I panicked when he was inside and really tickling in earnest,
because he thought it was funny to yell, “Cuntquake!”
I thought I was going to smash him. I stuck my hand in after him as far as it would go and cried,
Grab my ring, Rufy, please!
No, you silly cunt, he replied with a bit of annoyance, which further fed my worry, unfortunately.
I managed to get his foot between fingers and thumb and began to pull. He grew a bit in response
and grabbed at my labia, refusing to be ejected.
The furrier and more wiggly he got, the tighter he fit, the more it tickled and I was squeezing in
around him despite myself.
Stop being so damn exciting, I cried. Then in desperation I gave up the struggle and simply came.
It felt like showers of hot gravel mixed with swimming in the bathtub only in colors. Rufy kicked
against my inner thigh and waved his arms above his head and his uproarious laughing continued
to shake me for quite some time.
The feeling of his feet, his beautiful elegant feet kicking at my swelling thigh on such short little
legs, rocketed ecstasy through my dreaming surfaces all over again.
I felt as if I were made of white fluorescence like the inside of a light bulb. I nearly flew away
from the mental place we were playing and back into my dreary old flat rubber self, miles away
in a little roll. But I concentrated on the lit up strands of my yellow stringy poly wig and crept
back to Rufy, sitting there on the plains of me watching the show.
He’d let up a bit on the furry dwarf business, though he had kept the beard. He looked more like
a red and gold cave man with his softly upholstered arms clasped around his knees. He was
smirking and his blue diamond eyes twinkled.
Silly Wasabi. You are made of molecules with lots of space between them. I can’t stifle. He
wrapped my limp white hand around himself like a blanket and kissed my thumb. I kissed him
back with the mouth in my palm. He snuggled his butt right into it. We both giggled at that joke.
Then he let me shrink and solidify till I was nearly the same size as he was and wrapped around
him like a satiny white blanket, still glowing.
Anyway, in the new stage show, Rufus didn’t need Murray’s help to handle the space monster
after all. They changed the effect too, so that before it folded up and was gone, it gave out a
bright sheet of white flash.
I didn’t actually attend. I watched it on the Net, in a video a fan took with their camera phone.
There are usually plenty of them a few days after a concert.